No Rock And Roll Fun

DYKES SEX WITH DOHERTY: In other Pete Doherty gossip-related-news stuff, someone who's had sex with him has come forward to sell their story - sorry, tell their story. "I had sex with a rock star" wouldn't really be of any interest, but the Sunday Mirror loved the hook that this was another woman, also called Kate. Kate Dykes, actually.

Blonde lapdancer Kate Dykes, 22, last night told how she romped with addict Pete in a dingy disabled toilet.

Shockingly, neither are disabled, and so should have been using the able-bodied toilets. It's not yet known if either have a RADAR key to which they are not entitled.

Kate said: "It didn't last for very long."

Don't you hate it when someone fucks you in a disabled toilet and doesn't give you a couple of hours of foreplay first? At least if you shag Sting in a portaloo, you know it's worth putting your phone on transfer.

"I got the feeling this was something he got up to a lot after performing on stage - taking drugs and picking up girls. He wasn't bothered about protection either."

Which is really shameful - after all, the one place where you can usually be guaranteed to find condoms is in a toilet.

"He kissed me after he snorted some cocaine and we started having sex. At one stage I looked at him and thought, "Oh my God. What am I doing?"

A lapdancer, surely, would know what she was doing in the middle of sex?

"People were trying to come into the loos as the lock was broken. Pete looked really agitated. He was completely out of it and didn't even ask whether we should use a condom. When I mentioned it he just nodded like he didn't care and carried on. I decided to take control of the situation and perform oral sex on him."

Well, thank God you were able to take control of the situation. Some people might have found themselves being bounced by Pete's minor celeb status into having some sort of seedy, self-hating sexual encounter with him a toilet cubicle, you know.

"After the sex Pete quickly put his trousers back on and went back to the party. I sat with him for a while but called a cab and left on the quiet. As much as I like Pete as a musician, I knew I had made a mistake and didn't want to have to go back for more with him later on."

Well, exactly. Even if it could be slipped in quickly between two bangs on the cubicle door.

"Pete is going around telling everyone he's had a tattoo with Kate Moss's initial K as a sign of his love for her. But he's always had that tattoo - it was the first thing he showed me."

... and I think we can all guess what the second thing would have been.

music pete_doherty babyshambles sex