NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, THERE'S NO-VELLOS

So, apparently, these are the awards at the Ivors, or the Novellos, or whatever they like to be known as (That's the Mister Novellos to you):

PRS MOST PERFORMED WORK
Toxic - Cathy Dennis/ Bloodshy/ Henrik Jonback/ Avant

So, Britney sort of wins something, although she'll be too busy having sex with Kevin Federline four times an hour much to care - oddly, that's how often some radio stations played Toxic, too.

BEST CONTEMPORARY SONG
Take Me Out - Robert Hardy/Alex Kapranos/Nick Mccarthy/Paul Thomson (Franz Ferdinand)

They've won so many awards this year, we're already starting to think that their acceptance speeches aren't as good as they used to be.

BEST ORIGINAL FILM SCORE
Enduring Love - Jeremy Sams

THE IVORS CLASSICAL MUSIC AWARD
Sir John Tavener

BEST SELLING UK SINGLE
Do They Know Its Christmas? - Bob Geldof KBE/ Midge Ure

Does Bob really insist on having his KBE included in his official credit? That's a little needy... anyway, you can't really argue with this, as the prize is based in counting rather than opinion. Crazy Frog next year, then...

BEST SONG MUSICALLY & LYRICALLY
Dry Your Eyes - Mike Skinner (The Streets)

I wonder if Mike and Alex carve the territory up between themselves - "You take the best album, I'll have the single from them, and we'll swap for the next awards, yeah?"

BEST ORIGINAL MUSIC FOR TELEVISION
Blackpool -Rob Lane

INTERNATIONAL HIT OF THE YEAR
Vertigo - Bono/ The Edge/ Larry Mullen Jr/ Adam Clayton (U2)

Wonder if this is one that Bono would have considered taking the 12.5 mill payoff for?

INTERNATIONAL ACHIEVEMENT
Robert Smith (The Cure)

The citation reads in part "for rising above his hairstyle and managing to string a teenage pouting fit into a thirty year career"

SONGWRITERS OF THE YEAR
Tim Rice-Oxley, Tom Chaplin, Richard Hughes (Keane)

Giving hope to Starsailor, of course.

ALBUM AWARD
Mark Mcclelland, Jonny Quinn, Iain Archer, Nathan Connolly, Gary Lightbody
(Final Straw By Snow Patrol)

Now, of course, they're just being silly. Perhaps, in the same way that EMI expected there to have been a Coldplay album by now, the Novellos had a nasty hole they had to fill in a hurry...

PRS OUTSTANDING CONTRIBUTION TO BRITISH MUSIC
Simon Le Bon, Nick Rhodes, Andy Taylor, John Taylor, Roger Taylor (Duran Duran)

Nobody said anything about "recent contribution", did they?

OUTSTANDING SONG COLLECTION
Brian May, Freddie Mercury, John Deacon, Roger Taylor (Queen)

It's odd that selling that collection for a handfull of west end coins doesn't disqualify you from this, isn't it?

THE SPECIAL INTERNATIONAL AWARD
Lou Reed

Yes, Special, but he's loved, and how many of us can truly say that?

THE IVORS SPECIAL AWARD FOR SONGWRITING
Sir Mick Jagger & Keith Richards

It really buggers belief they haven't given this award to them years ago, surely?

music awards ivors novellos