Gordon stands on the sidelines as Lily Allen takes on Mike Skinner, applauding. Or at least copying stuff down from MySpace:
She said: “There’s a guy called Mike Skinner who records as The Streets and he did a record that basically talked about how awful it was to be rich and famous. I found that really boring.
“I’m always aware when I’m writing songs that other people have to be able to relate to them. If you look at a song like Not Fair, I think probably quite a lot of girls feel unsatisfied by their boyfriends in bed. I do. I think girls relate to that.”
You're right, Lily - god, Mike Skinner and his couplets about getting getting rich and famous and taking your clothes off and packing plastic and not knowing how it's supposed to make you feel. Oh... hang on, that one's yours, isn't it, Lily? You know, the song at number one that talks about how awful it is to be rich and famous?
And given that Skinner also managed to make an album out of a broken television and missing the return deadline for a DVD rental store, you might wonder if Allen has chosen the wrong target.
And since when did every song you listen to have to reflect your own life, anyway?
Perhaps she should stick to talking about drugs.
Still, Gordon must have taken in all this, and prepared a real zinger of a riposte, right?
It takes a brave man to date Lily.
Uh...
Let's move on, shall we?
Mick Jagger has issued some sort of statement to kick off Brits week:
Mick thinks this is one of the best EVER times for British music — and he ruled rock for five decades.
He told me: “With British acts doing so well at the Grammys last week it’s proving to be a great period for home-grown talent right now.
“And what is so refreshing is the different styles that have been recognised — COLDPLAY, DUFFY, ADELE and RADIOHEAD make up an eclectic bunch, proving there’s a lot of fresh British talent out there.
“I like that these acts have paid their dues in the way we had to. There is certainly an upsurge of diverse Brit acts breaking through in the US and overseas — good to see it. Long may it continue.”
Jagger's ruled rock for five decades? What, from exile since about 1985?
Still, let's applaud that diversity - Coldplay, with their slow guitar music, Duffy, with her slightly faster guitar music, Adele, with her slow guitar music, but with a woman singing, and Radiohead, who make music that covers "everything else".
It's a pity Gordon didn't reveal if Jagger had memorised the BPI press release he was quoting, or if he was just reading it down the phoneline. Actually, Jagger's so rich, he might have a device which allows him to cut and paste someone else's words into his actual conversation.
Nice to see Jagger so enthusiastic about "paying dues", too - slightly ironic from a man whose band arranges tours to avoid paying taxes as far as possible. Even if you do accept that it's a Good Thing to slog around the lower levels before achieving success, it's hardly as if Adele and Duffy spent five or six years humping drumkits into TJs and the Roadmenders, working their way up through indie labels, before landing a slot on a major and releasing two overlooked albums before their breakthrough.
Still, this time, Gordon, you must have a zinger, right?
I can’t wait to toast them all at Wednesday’s bash.
Oh.
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