THE CHURCH: IT'S PAYBACK TIME

Now that she no longer needs ("is likely to get") their support, Charlotte Church is turning on those who built her up. Hold on to your collective hats: Pavarotti is fat and George Bush is a divvy:

'I did a massive classical thing in Hyde Park once with 75,000 people,' said Charlotte. 'I was with Pavarotti. He was horrible,really nasty.He wasa pig and I was supposed to do a duet with him.'Charlotte explained that Pavarotti was rude to her about the way she wanted to sing a song. 'I'd learned the soprano part, which was the higher girl's part rather than the mezzo,' she said. 'He was like, 'You have to sing the mezzo'. I said, 'I am a soprano. How am I supposed to sing the mezzo?', and he said: 'You don't sing with me then'. 'He sent me out of his dressing room. I was only 15 - devastated. Pavarotti is a big fat diva.'

'Clinton was lovely, in tune with everyone else, but George Bush just hasn't got a clue what he's doing. He asked me what state Wales was in. 'I said: 'It's its own country next to England, actually Mr Bush'. 'If he doesn't know the rest of the countries in Europe, he could at least know what's in his own country. I'm really worried about it. He's a right weirdo. Him and Pavarotti should get together.'

... although we're not quite clear what they'd do when they got together - and you might wonder if it's more Wales' problem than Bush's that he's not heard of it. Here's a tip for Cardiff: get yourself a couple of tankers and pretend you're making some botulism stew. You'll soon be the talk of the Oval Office.

In other Charlotte news, she's pissed off with the new Pope. Because of his unwavering stance on birth control? Because of his flirtation with the Hitler Youth? Because of his cruel eyes? Nope, it's because he doesn't approve of Harry Potter:

"I'm from a Catholic family. But I don't like this new Pope - he even wants to ban Harry Potter. He says it's because it's full of witchcraft and other bad stuff. If he bothered to sit down and read it, he'd understand the morals of it."

Chazza, he's a busy man and they're big books - obviously he's waiting for the Coles Notes to come out. But a man who can read the Bible and come out with the impression that god would rather people die horrific deaths from Aids in their millions than have them use a condom is going to struggle even with the simplest texts.

music charlotte church pavarotti george w bushwales