LIVE 8: TWENTY TO TEN

Oh, lord, she's going to be so embarrassed: Mariah Carey, on stage in front of a squintillion viewers, and she's forgotten to put a skirt on. And someone's forgotten to fade up her vocals. And she's forgotten to do a proper song, too. She'll just die when she watches the Sky+ tonight when she gets home.

Luckily, though, there's sweet relief just a red button away, with Sarah Mclaughlin doing, you know, proper music (and looking proper sexy, too) on stage in Philadelphia - although, to be honest, we're starting to lose track of what's live and what's been saved up from earlier. Sarah even apologises for sounding corny when she says we can all make a difference.

Back in Hyde Park, Mariah is parading "the African Children's choir" - apparently, they represent "eleven million orphans and they deserve a round of applause." Mariah claims "children like these inspire me" - which is quite disturbing since her art, such as it is, seems to involve little more than removing her knickers, ramming her tits into a push-up bra and screeching and panting. Is she really thinking about small children when she's doing that?

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