Ah, bless - there's nothing like a happy ending, is there? All the signs ("tabloid gossip and rumour") suggests that Liam Gallagher out of Oasis and Nicole Appleton out of... - no, don't tell us; it'll come to us in a minute... Appletong, wasn't it? - are planning to get married in a blaze of publicity ("in Hopetoun House around Christmastime"). Of course, nothing at all has been booked yet, and no plans have been laid, but luckily there's a source on hand to say exactly what those plans would be if they had been made:
"Liam and Nicole want to lie low when it comes to their big day. They really hate fuss and attention."
The couple's four-year-old son, Gene, will be a pageboy, according to the source, and the guests will dine on fish and chips.
"They're ordering a red marquee and there will be a red and gold theme throughout the day.
"Fire-eaters have been booked and there will be a bouncy castle for kids."
So, that's avoiding fuss by hiring one of the largest houses in Scotland, hiring carnival acts and an enormous, vibrant marquee.
We're thinking of this as a wedding gift:
Liam Gallagher "really hates fuss and attention"? Liam Gallagher? Hates "fuss"? Hates "attention"? Are they sure they're talking about the same people we are?