Thursday, September 15, 2005


It's almost impossible to hear poor Kelly Osbourne wailing about what a horror it was being on a reality TV show without remembering that nobody actually made her do the bloody thing. For series after series.

Goodness, have we no compassion for how that poor girl suffered for her few minutes of fame?

"No one can imagine how it is for a 15-year-old to suddenly become one of the most famous teenagers in the world - without even doing anything to earn it.'

That's the closest you're going to get to self-awareness from her - the admission that she actually has no talent and wasn't really worth anyone being interested in in the first place - but it's curious to hear her phrase it almost as if it's our fault. Of course, we'll allow her the silly claim that she was "one of the most famous teenagers in the world" - "supporting character in a cable TV sitcom" would be more honest, but we suppose someone told her that she was more famous than she actually was.

We're not so sure that nobody can imagine how it is for a teenager to achieve mild, fleeting fame. Presumably the girls from Roseanne would be able to have a good idea? Or the Cosby Show kids? What about Charlotte Church, or Drew Barrymore? Or... but we've made our point. Kelly is snuffling again:

"The whole world was discussing how I talk, what I eat, who I hang out with. I couldn't understand it and just numbed myself with heroin and pain killers, until I had no passion or dreams left."

Actually, Kelly, they weren't - they were discussing just what the fuck your Dad was on, and just how often Sharon might get confused with a small hatchet. If anyone did have anything to say about you, it was probably when you turned up at a press launch, or issued a press release, or sought out the paparazzi. Really, if you wanted to avoid being in the public eye, it's a lot easier, faster and cheaper to withdraw from the public eye. I can promise you nobody would have come looking.

You'll be pleased to hear that Kelly's over it all now - and, the fact she's doing an international press tour to push her musical career for the umpteenth time, clearly she's over the problem of the whole world discussing her:

"But one day the poison was out of my body and I felt like a newborn baby. I went to the studio and just poured it all into my new album."

Ah! Bless, if it wasn't for all that pain, we might not have had a new album from Ms Osbourne. So if it's given you a record's worth of stuff to sing about, why bitch about it?

We're surprised she felt like a newborn baby when she recorded the album, though. We'd have pegged it as the work of a five year-old.