MADONNA'S HUSBAND CONFUSES KITSCH WITH WANKY

It's an easy mistake to make, of course - you think you're being clever, but in fact, you're being a holy show. So, Guy Ritchie's confusion is understandable, of course, when he talks about his accent:

Ritchie admits his Cockney (east London) accent doesn't reflect his background - but he claims it stems from his fascination with the "lower classes".

He says, "It's kitsch, I'd like to think I'm taking the p**s.

"It's obvious what I am. I am a middle-class lad, who has been exposed to various aspects of the English class system.

"I happen to be in the middle, but the bottom end interests me and the top end interests me, because that's where the characters are."

Well, he's right that his social class - we're not sure where it comes in the National Audit Office accounts these days, but we've got him and his wife pegged as GCAs (or Grasping Clueless Arrivistes) - has got nobody with anything interesting to say in it. But why would it be "taking the piss" to talk like the people he seems to think are "beneath" him? We'd have thought the word he was looking for wasn't kitsch - patronising, surely?

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