BELTING AND BRACES

There's nothing surprising in Mariah Carey having a screaming fit about something or other, but what we can't figure out is why she was yelling for a brace during the Fashion Rocks event:

Our spy at the Fashion Rocks event in Monaco said: "She was screaming 'where the fuck is this brace?' It was embarrassing."

Does she refuse to stand up without equipment to do the job for her these days?

Channel 4 had a programme culled from the event last night - it's a charity do which combines fashion catwalk and rock; meaning the band are forced to stand in a tiny space on the stage and can't really perform much, and the models have to walk on a catwalk that's so far from the audience you can just about make out they're not naked. So, pretty useless for everyone then.

In the extract we saw, Anne Robinson came on to introduce something or other; actually, we realised our mistake when she brought on "my daughter Kelly" - Sharon Osbourne, you really need to stop going to the same doctor as Anne, he clearly has a limited repetoire. (To update the old barber's joke: A woman walks into the cosmetic surgeon's and asks 'can you make me look like Kate Moss?' and the doctor says 'sure'. Three weeks later, she peels off the bandages and finds Anne Robinson's face staring back out of the mirror. 'Kate Moss doesn't look like this' she screams at the surgeon. 'She would if she came here' he replies.)

Kelly, who... how shall we put this? clearly wasn't expecting to be asked to run for the Tory Party leadership anytime soon had been dumped into a Vivienne Westwood dress with diagnonal stripes. Now, we're not that fond of Kelly, but to make a woman who has eating disorder problems wear a diagonally-striped dress a few moments before a tree-shaped supermodel dances around in exactly the same dress: that's hardly entirely fair, is it?

The Kills would have been the best band there, had their sound not been apparently left in the hands of someone relying on sign language as their first language.

music sharon osbourne kelly osbourne the kills mariah carey vivienne westwood