AT HOME WITH THE RITCHIES

Who knew that the Madonna-Guy marriage might be less than an idyll? To be fair, she's not started running around going "I married him because I wanted a cockernee to go with my English country estate and stupid flat cap, and then found out he wasn't even a cockernee; he married me because otherwise people would have noticed that even Lock, Stock wasn't that good, actually", but there is some light shone in the corners of the marital bed:

In an extraordinary confession, the 47-year-old superstar said: "I got married for all the wrong reasons. My husband did not turn out to be everything I had imagined him to be. I just wanted to end everything."

We wonder what, exactly, she was imagining...

The star's new TV documentary - I'm Going To Tell You A Secret - shows how she refused to speak to Guy for 24 hours and even cancelled a trip to Ireland with him during one bust-up.

We imagine that having twenty-four hours without Madonna skriking in your ears would be considered a treat rather than a punishment. Reveal will probably be running this story under the heading "I Shut The Fuck Up For Once To Save My Marriage"

Madonna - who Guy calls "the missus"- admitted: "There is no such thing as the perfect soulmate.

"Your soulmate is the person that pushes all your buttons. Pisses you off on a regular basis and makes you face your shit."

Erm... no, Madonna, you're, like, so wrong there. There is such a thing as a perfect soulmate. What you probably mean is that there's no such thing as a perfect soulmate who is also good from a brand marketing point of view.

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