SMALL SPICE PORTIONS

The one small piece of soothing balm in the news that geri Halliwell is going to have a baby of some sort is that it doesn't appear to be Steve Coogan's.

Naturally, there's "a friend" on hand to provide all the information we really need about the successful insemination:

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And then provides a lot more:

"Geri is thrilled to be pregnant. Although this is totally unexpected she can't wait to be a mum. It's the best thing that could happen to her. She has had her problems in the past, battling bulimia, but now she is grown up and ready to be a mother.

"Not surprisingly, she's very upset her relationship with Sacha hasn't exactly gone to plan. But if she is alone when the baby arrives, then so be it. She's a strong woman and will cope just fine."

We're not entirely sure it's actually the best thing that could happen to Geri Halliwell - compared to retraining to run the business centre at a middle-ranking hotel in the North East, for example, having a child to parade around is probably going to prove less effective at decomplicating her life - but it'll be a gift to Britain's satirists.

It seems the father might not be quite as thrilled by it all:

Last week the couple met at a café down the road from his home. Geri was waiting for him with her pet dog. Onlookers saw Gervasi repeatedly jabbing his finger at Geri during their brief meeting. He gave her a cool hug as he left without finishing his coffee.

That's "Sacha Gervasi", of course. Yes, a name that would stump a pub quiz team. Surprising, that, as the NOTW suggests he's a Hollywood bigshot:

The London-born ex-journalist has made an impact as a rising Hollywood scriptwriter after penning the screenplay for The Terminal, starring his pal Tom Hanks and Catherine Zeta Jones.

Well, he got a co-writer's credit for it, anyway. More fascinating is that he used to be the drummer with Gavin Rossdale's. Although he left before they got famous. On that occasion, at least, he pulled out of Bush before something developed.

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