THAT'S WHY MUM'S GONE TO ICELAND

The most lurid thing in the News of the World, though, are some staged pretendarazzi shots of Lerry Katona topless on a beach. Again, the NOTW seems to be vaguely surprised that a young woman might remove her bikini top on a beach, thinking they have somehow "busted" her and chiding her for being "a bared, bared girl" (it's meant to be a pun on bad, we think.)

More alarming is the possibility that the breasts - so recently the subject of a clunking Iceland advert skit - may well actually have been bought in a giant bag of frozen meats. We don't encourage you to look for yourself, but... if you feel you want to look, you'll see what we mean. [Not safe for work, or, indeed, anyone with eyes.]

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