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YOU NEVER SMILE, YOU KNOW IT WOULDN'T LOOK RIGHT/BECAUSE YOUR DENTURES GLOW IN ULTRA-VIOLET LIGHT...
It's astonishing how useless Madonna has become at judging her own market, isn't it? She's turned down the Royal Variety Performance (you're lucky it's not a command performance any more, love) but agreed to do the MTV Europe awards. But, seriously, Madge: do you really think your natural constituency is closer to 80 year-old rich women or 12 year-old blonged up Portugese kids?
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