FRAPP ATTACK... AND LEAKY MADDY FUMES

Everyone's favourite tail-wearing pervpopster Alison Goldfrapp has launched one of the more amusing attacks on Madonna of the last few weeks - and, we suspect, Alison's jibe that Madonna is a musical sheep will probably sting much more than Sharon Osbourne describing her as a whore:

"She's always got her eye on what everyone's doing and she's always nabbing people, the latest DJ or whatever, to get them to put their thing on her thing, you know. I think it's quite clever, but I don't know if that's creative."

Meanwhile, Madonna is getting her ladypants in a twist because all her label's attempts to secure the new album (watermarking every prerelease copy, only letting people listen to it inside the record company offices, ensuring that only Vicki "brilliant" Newton reviewed it in advance, making it horrible) came to nothing.

Newton is, herself, first with the news:

But last night I was contacted by Madonna fans who had ILLEGALLY downloaded the album for free.

Yes, Vicki - it's been online for about a fortnight, dear. What Vicki - and more importantly Madonna - don't seem to understand is that nobody is much interested in the record; this time next week it's going to be all over the filesharing networks anyway. All the extra security for pre-release copies does is create a challenge for people to find a workaround. In effect, unless you can guarantee your security is watertight - and you can't - you're just pissing money away.

Besides, Maddy - you might want to worry less about people ripping your CDs, and try and find whoever it is who stole your skirt:

music madonna alison goldfrapp