NOEL LOVES YOUR MONEY, NOT YOU

If you have tears, prepare to shed them now: Noel Gallagher finds Oasis fans to be frustratingly stupid. Rather than thinking this might be a bit of a blessing and an explanation for how he's still able to swap old rope for new coins, he's elected to damn them in print:

"I don't like having my picture taken with them because half our fans are too dopey to use a camera.

"I've already wasted hours of my life on idiots with cameras in their hands who can't even work the flash.

"Then there are the ones that come you to you and say 'Can I have your autograph?' You say 'Yeah, go on then', then you get 'I haven't gota pen.' Well, you know, that's like turning up for a football match with no boots."

Noel, clearly, has started to see the people who keep him in champagne and steak as being, well, beneath him:

"We have this relationship where they buy the records and I make the records for them to buy. Do I want to be anybody's friend? Not really."

So, now it's official: Oasis no longer have fans, just consumers who are incapable of operating basic equipment.

There was something else, too, about how he's a better drummer than Zak Starkey but...

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