POPSTAR LOOKALIKE CRIME

We've been mugged; and when it happens, you tend to notice curious things and get fixated on odd aspects of the attack - with us, it was the stupid affectation of the mugger trying to pretend he was American when, clearly, the closest he'd come to the US was watching the A-Team; for the woman who was a victim of an especially nasty attack in Camden last week, it was how much her attacker looked like Roland Gift.

Which is a pretty strange reference point in itself, especially with police being so young these days:

Cop: So, madam, what was the attacker like?
Woman: He looked like Roland Gift
Cop: He looked like what sort of a gift?
Woman: Roland Gift, constable. He looked like Roland Gift. You know, he looked like he was a member the Fine Young Cannibals.
Cop: Hang about... do you mean you think he's the guy we want for the Belsize Park flesh-eating murders... I'd better call Sarge...

Actually, it's been so long since the band were in the charts... you don't think...

music crime roland gift fine young cannibals