WILL YOUNG IS GAY

Having heard that Robbie has turned down the chance to be on the Take That tour, Will Young has offered his services. He's keen to slip into Robbie's gap in the line-up, although he seems to have his eye more on Lulu's part:

"I'd happily join Take That on stage and look after Robbie's place - that would be so much fun, we could all sing together. My favourite Take That song is Relight My Fire, so we could perform that one."

Take That are at least being polite:

Take That's management said: "The band did their last big tour as a fourpiece, so they don't think Robbie will really be missed this time around.

The idea, though, is ridiculous - Will and Williams are like chalk and something quite other than chalk. Will Young is a gay man who sings weak songs designed to sound good piped through Asda FM, whereas Robbie Williams is quite a bit older than him.

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