Wednesday, March 29, 2006


We're not sure that "Whitney Houston is off her tree on drugs" actually constitutes a news item as such, but today The Sun has got what the paper says are eyewitness reports. Tina Brown (Bobby's sister, rather than Mrs. Harold Evans) has snuck a camera in to Houston Towers and is happy to describe what goes on there:

“The truth needs to come out. Whitney won’t stay off the drugs. It’s every single day. It’s so ugly. Everyone is so scared she is going to overdose.”

Ah... this is an intervention, then, is it?

There the woman who co-starred with Kevin Costner in the 1992 hit movie The Bodyguard smokes crack, uses sex toys to satisfy herself and ignores personal hygiene.

We're not sure why the use of a vibrator should be considered evidence of being out of control, but to be honest we never paid very much attention during drug lessons at school. Frankly, if the choice was between having Bobby Brown poking about down there or using a buzzing pal, we'd be stocking up on batteries and locking the door.

When high on drugs, she imagines she sees demons and is being beaten by them.

The sad truth is she's watching Christina on MTV.

The sad truth is that she bites and punches her own body without realising it.

Millions of fans will find it hard to believe that THIS was once the wholesome girl admired for her stunning looks and amazing voice.

Well... only if they'd not read a single word about her since 1981, surely?

In her paranoia, Whitney made a hole in the bathroom wall so she could see who was in the house.

Surely this would only work if your bathroom had been positioned, Jeremy Bentham style, like a panoptican at the top of the building? And couldn't you just leave the door open?

Tina said: “She breaks everything — mirrors, phones, cabinets, appliances.”

Not the fridge! Please, not the fridge.

Tina added: “I understand what she’s going through. Addiction is a disease. Maybe this interview will save her life.”

Yes, yes, we're sure it will. Does she actually have The Sun delivered to her locked buzzing demon-filled vantage point? And in her addled state, can we be sure she won't just turn straight to George and Lynne?

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