THE FIRST BLADE SHAVES YOU CLOSE; THE SECOND STRUGGLES A LITTLE

David beckham's contract with Gillette is nearly up, and "rumour" (or at least Victoria Newton) has it that the company are looking to replace the polysexual panglobal icon with, erm, Shayne Ward.

Now, when Beckham says something is "the best a man can get", the phrase suggests that this is the ultimate shaving device, perhaps designed as part of the space race.

If Shayne Ward says "this is the best a man can get", the sentence will take on an instant air of "it'll have to do"; there'll be a ghost "for a couple of quid from Kwik Save" hanging at the end of it.

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