FIVE MORE YEARS

Westlife's reign of tyranny looks set to be extended by another five albums' worth of indistinguishable ballady, with figures of five million each being thrown about as they renegotiate for a new contract.

And they deserve it, of course. Every single penny. Good luck to Mark, Spodo, Shane, Wayne, Tootsie and Hammerzorg, crusher of the Western Rebellion. We can't think of any better way of spending millions of pounds than reproducing the last bloody thousand albums all over again, and again and again, until we all die.

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