"I WAS MADONNA'S BOOTY CALL"

Good lord, even if it was true, surely that's not a thing you'd tell the News Of the World about, even for money?

Jenny Shimizu reckons that Madonna used her as a kind of sex service - Shimizu describes it as being her sex slave but, really, it sounds more like a pizza delivery type deal:

"She spotted me on a casting video and called me out of the blue," said Jenny, 38.

"She asked me to dinner and I went to her house. Nothing happened that night, but we both felt an immediate attraction.

"Then two days later I went back to a party and instantly we both knew that we'd end up in bed together.

"From the age of 14 I'd watched her videos and thought, ‘I'm going to have sex with that gorgeous woman one day.'

"And that night my fantasy came true—again and again and again.

"For hours we explored each other's bodies, kissing every inch. Far from the domineering, sex-crazed woman many think she is, I found her a very gentle lover.

"It wasn't about whips and chains. Madonna wanted someone she could trust to call when she wanted pleasuring right there and then. I was her secret ‘booty call' available any time of the day or night for secret sex sessions."

And, of course, if she didn't arrive hot and within an hour, she had to give Madonna a free garlic bread and small tub of Hagen-Daas as well.

"One time she was doing her Girlie Show tour in Paris and I was in Germany on a photo shoot.

"But she was so desperate to see me she booked me on a flight and demanded I go to her room at the Ritz. I was happy to oblige— this woman exuded raw sex appeal and I couldn't get enough of her.

"At 2am we met in her room as ordered and by 4am I was off, after two hours of slow, passionate sex. That was always how it was. We both gave each other what we wanted till we were satisfied, then I'd leave. It wasn't about an emotional bond, it was about taking each other to the heights of sexual ecstasy.

Just fancy that, eh?

There's much, much more of this sort of thing - at one point Shimizu appears to claim she was juggling Madonna, Angelina Jolie and, erm, Rebecca Loos.

Apparently, she met Loos when Rebecca was making a programme about Hollywood lesbians or something (in a way, the claim that Loos is a television presenter is the most astounding thing about this whole tale). Shimizu married her during the documentary - because the programme wanted to highlight how terrible it was California treated gay marriage as if it was a fake publicity stunt by, erm, having a fake, publicity stunt gay wedding:

Last September Jenny flew to London to spend a week in bed with Rebecca. "We'd do some gardening together then Rebecca would play wife and cook me a paella."

A week in bed after a paella? Hell, if you don't cook those prawns properly, that can happen.

music madonna angelina jolie rebecca loos jenny shimizu