FAMILY TIES

Does nobody actually want to help Madonna? There she is, trying to create photo-ops proving how she and Guy are brilliant together, and all the while family keep popping up to screw things up. Last month, her father-in-law tried to smooth things over with his "well, everyone has rough patches" interview, and now Christopher Ciccone, her brother has also dropped hints that Guy finds it difficult to cope with being Madonna's husband, by smothering him in the faintest of praise:

"I would say Guy has managed to cope," adds Christopher. "They're still together. He's famous himself on a different level and in a different field."

Yes, Madonna is famous as one of the greatest recording artists of the 1980s, and one of the most photographed and talked-about women on the planet, while Guy is famous in his field, as the husband of one of the greatest recording artists of the 1980s, and one of the most photographed and talked-about women on the planet. It's very different indeed.

Like his sister, Christopher apparently flirted with Kabbalah, too:

"She took me to her house and all of the teachers were there and I just listened.

"There are some really good things in it. You have to take it and make it your own, the same as being a Catholic, make it whatever works. But anything that's organised can become very cultish. It got that way for me, so for a long time I sort of stopped.

"With all the celebrities involved, it takes something that's actually kind of cool and really useful and makes it appear foolish, stupid and faddish -- and it's not.

"But when you read about Britney Spears investigating it, it becomes so..."

Good god, things have gotten so crap for Britney she's actually able to cancel out the culty "join us" power of Kabbalah? That's tough.

But there's an idea. Maybe Kevin Federline could draft Guy in to be a human beatbox for his rap music or something?

music madonna guy ritchie kabbalah christopher ciccone