... AND THE VALUE OF NOTHING

As if to prove that Victoria Newton can't tell dung from shoepolish, having spent most of her life encouraging the pop aspirations of the likes of McFly, Orson (Orson) and Paris Hilton, how does she react to the news that Stock Aitken and Waterman are reuniting?

Oh hit, they're back... many music fans will be crying into their cornflakes.

Eh? While they may have made the odd clunker, nobody who loves pop - really loves it, rather than sees it as simply a supply of idiots in bikinis to fill up column space with - doesn't have space in their heart for at least some of the SAW back catalogue. Their Bananarama stuff for a start, or I Should Be So Lucky. Or... and so on.

They are doing it for a reality TV show, which suggests this time round might be more Sonia than Hazell Dean.

But just in case the programme and single end up a success, Victoria Newton covers herself by ending the piece chirruping I reckon Stock, Aitken And Waterman have got what it takes to create a pop revolution. So, that's "oh shit, they're back, how great." And they reckon The Sun doesn't know what it stands for anymore.

music stock aitken and waterman