...AND A WORD FROM HER CO-STAR

Meanwhile, the Sunday Mirror has paid the bloke from the German sex guide to talk about appearing naked with Heather. It's full of what you'd expect from a Sunday tabloid:

"She may be a vegetarian now, but she certainly liked her meat and two veg back then."

Do you see? He means cock.

Peter Wilson sounds as if Heather spoiled what was meant to be a lovely day of porn by making it mucky:

"I knew she meant business from the word go. It soon went from fun to sleazy. Within minutes, she was lying in a chair with a black-and-white striped basque on and nylons.

"I was leaning over, kissing her knee. The photographer was just changing cameras and she leaned back and spread her legs wide, gave me a flash and said: 'How much do you think I'd get for that picture?' I could see everything."

That's awful - when you sign on to do hardcore porn the last thing you'd expect would be to see a woman's vagina, poor lamb.

Ah, but it turns out Peter had been told that it was to be an education manual - he couldn't have known, of course, there were to be NO WORDS in it:

The photographer came in with whipped cream, baby oil and an edible thong. I thought: 'What the hell is this? How's that going to help young kids?' I was worried but Heather wasn't bothered at all. She seemed to know what was going to happen.

Bravely, though, Peter managed to fight down his worries and go through with having Heather lick cream off his knob, and whatever. In between, there was unlikely small-talk:

Scouser Peter, now divorced with a 16-year-old stepson, remembers: "Heather said she was from Tyne and Wear and, at one point, asked me where I lived.

"I told her I was from Liverpool and, out of the blue, she started talking about The Beatles. She said, 'Everyone knows John's the one with all the talent and Paul's the window dressing'."

Interesting. I'm trying to recall any random conversations I might have had back in the late 1980s with work colleagues in such detail - and, to be fair, I can remember discussing Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince's Parents Just Don't Understand with the bloke from the fish counter, so maybe it's not so unlikely ("It's true" he said, "parents just don't understand"). Maybe.

So, just how perverted and sordid was this photo session?

"It wasn't for the camera, it was just her and me. Of course she was enjoying herself. She was moaning. I said, 'Does that feel as good as it sounds?' It was like something out of When Harry Met Sally."

Oh, so it was as sordid as a comedy sex scene in a 15-rated film, then.

music heather mills mccartney paul mccartney