VICTORIA BECKHAM TO BE ASKED TO RENOUNCE SATAN, ALL HIS WORKS

Now that she's got the difficult first million-quid photoshoot out the way, Geri Halliwell is planning the next event to stage for OK! Magazine ("next key step in her daughter Hyacinth Tartpant's life"). The Christening.

She's decided to invite Victoria Beckham to be godmother. Victoria is a good choice, since her record of ensuring children grow up to be spiritual beings and good Christians is inarguable, and she'll bump up the prices of the official photoshoot by about 500%.

Some eyebrows have been raised that Posh - who had a big fall-out with Geri - should be in the running, but apparently the pair have made it up:

Geri, 33, has told friends that the offer is her way of thanking Victoria for offering advice "like a sister" throughout her pregnancy - Posh even sent her a poncho to help hide her bump from the paparazzi.

A sweet gesture, although since Geri had her foetus in her womb and not up on her shoulders, and hasn't hidden anything from the press since about 1987, a fairly futile one.

Our spy tells us: "Geri is notoriously selective about the people she has around her - and as a result she doesn't have many friends."

You know who else is notoriously selective about the people they have around them and doesn't have many friends as a result? That bloke with the stained trousers who rides around on the bus singing The Mighty Quinn over and over again. He's notoriously selective.

music geri halliwell victoria beckham