THE SECOND TIME AS... NO, HANG ON, THE FIRST WAS A BIT OF A FARCE, WASN'T IT?

It's not like Madonna's run out of ideas or anything, of course, but having managed to get a slither of interest in her from people under twenty when she kissed Britney and Christina at the MTV Awards, guess what she's come up with now?

Erm... some faux lesbiana with two slightly-past-their-peak blonde pop singers at the MTV awards.

This time round she's talking to Lindsay Lohan and Jessica Simpson, and thinking of throwing in some play bondage. But, effectively, it's the same bloody thing as last time.

You know what would really make for an unforgettable performance? Do some of the songs from when you were great, and then announce your still-not-too-late-to-be-graceful retirement.

Go on, you know it makes sense.

music madonna lindsay lohan jessica simpson