FBI RELEASE TAPE OF OBL SINGING 'I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU'

There's been so much rubbish spewed out about Al Qaeda over the last five years, who's to say that the latest claim - that Osama Bin Laden was hot for Whitney Houston - is any more bonkers than any other?

It comes from Kola Boof, who claims to have spent some months as Osama's sex slave, in her book about the time.

It seems that Bin Laden was so nuts for Whitney, he thought about having Bobby Brown killed.

Because, of course, what was holding him back from having a relationship with Houston wasn't that he was one-kidneyed terrorist living in a cave that the Unabomber would have turned down as lacking too many modern conveniences while plotting the destruction of anyone who has an ounce of joy in their lives; no, the reason why Whitney wasn't in love with him was because of Bobby Brown.

The funny thing is that, living in Afghanistan and being chums with the Taliban, BinLaden would have access to acres and acres of opium poppies: we reckon a discrete phonecall and a promise of unlimited drugs for free might have swung it for him.

It's too late now, though. Both Osama and Whitney have disappeared from the public eye and only cross our minds when we hear a recording they made years ago. We did hear that Osama and Bobby were seen holding hands down Castro last gay pride weekend, but we think that might have been a misidentification.

music whitney houston osama bin laden bobby brown