HOW TO HAVE A NUMBER ONE HIT

Alright, then: Franz Ferdinand can't talk with authority about number one hits, but they do at least know how to do the charts. They gave a talk at the Edinburgh Festival on just that subject.

Their hints included Alex Kapranos revealing how he wrote his very first tune:

"It was about unrequited love, a girl that I fancied that wouldn't look at me. It's an eternal theme of writing," he said. But he refused to talk about his first song, saying it was too bad.

We're sure Art Brut would be happy to take it off your hands for cash, mind.

Then, it was some wide-ranging advice:

"It's just messing about, putting your hands in different places on the instrument to see what sounds good," Kapranos said. "Most of it is mucking about, coming out with as many ideas as you can and then just be ruthless about it."

Which, funnily enough, is a direct quote from the Heather Mills sex education book, if we're not mistaken.

The fans, though, were delighted:

"It great to see artists as real people, rather than up on stage," Mhairi Threlfal, 17, of Edinburgh, said.

We're not sure in what way having someone stand at the front of a room in a Literary Festival is different from them standing on the stage at a Pop Festival, but we can't deny that it is 37% more real.

music edinburgh festival franz ferdinand