IF YOU CAN'T STAND THE HEAT, GET OUT OF THE AUDITORIUM

America is currently sweltering under the sort of heatwave that you'd imagine could only be caused by, say, a nation unilaterally withdrawing from the Kyoto agreement and encouraging people to put air conditioning into the glovebox of their stretch humvees or something.

And even gig-organisers are having to adjust to cope with the heat: if you go to Ozzfest, you might find yourself getting drenched from misters, hosepipes, or the caps on the bottles of piss being heft towards the front of the stage coming free as they fly above your head.

Lollapalooza fans in Chicago are only going to have to cope with temperatures in the 80s, but the 'looza management are running a huge, air-conditioned tent (sponsored by AT&T), in the hope that by burning some extra fossil fuel, they can help raise the temperature for next year's festival by an average of three degrees.

The people behind Austin City Limits have arranged for some extra shaded areas, most provided by tethering Jack White's self-regard to a pole, blocking out the sun's rays over a half-acre area.

Although 40 people who went to the Warped tour date at Fitchburg last week wound up in hospital with heat-related illness, tour head Kevin Lyman points out that the number of people with serious heat problems has dropped massively despite the increased temperatures this year. Partly that's down to the extra cooling stations and precautions, but a shit line-up and consequent tendency of people to stay at home sat in their bathtubs instead has also contributed.

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