LILY ALLEN... REMEMBER HER?

Lily Allen doesn't like anyone much, it seems.

Victoria Newton is so outraged that Allen dares speak against Madonna, she puts it into two articles in today's Bizarre:

When asked who was the most overrated person in pop history, the Smile singer said: "Madonna. I haven't got anything against her at all but I don't think anything she's done since the early Eighties has really been, like, ‘wow'.

"She might have meant something once but I don't know many people my age who care."

Not that that's going to bother Madge; she's only interested in fans old enough to get a second mortgage to be able to afford the ticket prices.

Babyshambles?

I do think he has to be exterminated. It is a bit dull, isn't it? I've always been surrounded by smackheads anyway. It's like ‘get over it'.''

This, surely, is a new form of cultural one-upmanship. It's no longer enough to hear a band and say 'oh, Chuggerboots have finally got a single out, have they? I had this on a demotape I picked up when I saw them as third support at the Stowmarket Scout Hall a couple of years ago. That scene's so old, I'm mainly listening to grabby-dub and beesting country right now.' Instead, you have to affect boredom at their addictions: 'Skag? Blimey, I didn't know you could still get that, me and my mates were shitting in our own hats and robbing blind pensioners back before the millennium dome opened...'

However, Lily's not above generating a spot of passe-eye-rolling herself:

"When I was 15 I kissed a 35-year-old stripper called Cheryl, at Space in Ibiza," she said.

"She had a necklace saying she'd won the Stringfellows Stripper of the Year contest and she was kind of showing it off. It was a proper snog.''

Good lord, love, if you really must try and spark some interest with "ooh, I once was almost the tiniest bit bisexual", come up with something a bit more recent than a slight drunken encounter the other side of this century.

music lily allen madonna pete doherty