MADONNA KNOWS WHAT JESUS WOULD DO. AGAIN.

Oh, how Madonna must be delighted; at last a nation where people don't yawn and turn the page when she pulls a stunt. As we reported earlier, Italy, or at least the Catholic top brass, has decided to take her giant cross bait; now, the little-known Cardinal Tonino (we think that's the one with the tuna on) has called for her to be excommunicated.

Good lord (if you'll forgive the pun), isn't it a little late for that? Haven't there been numerous occasions when, if you were going to ask her to leave the faith, you should have done it? Isn't this a little bit like Oliver Stirling telling Ed Grundy "okay, but if you're actually sick on Caroline, I'll have to ask you to go..."?

"This concert is a blasphemous challenge to the faith and a profanation of the cross. She should be excommunicated,” said Cardinal Tonino, whose statements [...] were approved by Pope Benedict XVI.

We do wonder if the church automatically assumes any use of the cross as anything other than a symbol of Christian worship or vampire-fighting device is blasphemous. Because, while Madonna was clearly pulling Benedict's plonker with this, Jesus wasn't actually crucified on a gaudy mirrored cross, was he?

"To crucify yourself in the city of the pope and the martyrs is an act of open hostility," said Cardinal Ersilio Tonini according to the daily La Stampa Wednesday. "It's a scandal created on purpose by astute merchants to attract publicity."

Yes... well, thank goodness you didn't fall into the trap of those astute merchants by helping generate that publicity, Cardinal. Your silence, and the oh-so-Christian turning of the other cheek, certainly spiked their tawdry attempt to draw... oh, hang on.

For her part, how has Madonna reacted to the news that her motral soul could be thrown for all eternity into the fiery pits of hell, denied the sublime joy of congress with the one true God?

The pop-star’s spokeswoman, Liz Rosenberg, claimed in a Thursday e-mail to the Associated Press that "Madonna does not think Jesus would be mad at her, as his teaching of loving thy neighbor and tolerance is Madonna's message as well.”

Perhaps, although Jesus didn't charge £150 for people to see him - and he used to provide a fish supper, too. We also seem to remember that when Madonna's neighbours asked if they could continue to walk across the land their families have walked across for centuries, she had the maps withdrawn to show how much she loved them. To stay away.

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