Some people call Relate; Madonna rings up an African orphanage

If the Sunday People is to be believed - and, we allow, that's quite a big "if" - Madonna and Guy Ritchie are planning to adopt a Malawian orphan in a "bid to save their marriage."

Because, of course, that's precisely the reason to adopt - some celebrities might cynically use it as a way of securing large cash payments from magazines without the need to get stretch marks in the process, but of course you should only do so if you're really committed to the idea, for example, to paper over the cracks in a relationship.

music madonna