Robbie Williams is not friends with Chris Moyles

Chris Moyles has called his autobiography 'The Gospel According To', presumably to tie in with his self-proclaimed saviourship of Radio One. But the book's not really a gospel at all - Moyles' messiah complex wouldn't let him see himself as a faithful disciple recording the doings of someone else; and the original Bible was a little-less big on the name-dropping:

“I really, really like Elton, I think the guy is brilliant,” he declares.

“He is funny and lovely and charming. I’ve met him three or four times and he’s introduced me to Bernie (writing partner Bernie Taupin) and he’s like this, ‘Have you met Bernie? Bernie! Bernie! Come here. This is Chris. He’s a good lad, we like Chris.’

“And I’m like ‘Elton John’s introducing me to Bernie.’ ”

Bernie Taupin, we imagine, is equally like "Elton's introducing me to that radio bloke again" and scanning the room for an exit strategy.

“Chris Martin is very clean living and very healthy but sometimes you’d think he was Pete Doherty’s flatmate.”

Why? Has Doherty stolen his guitar?

Of course, not every name dropped is done with fondness:

“I’ve met Rod Stewart once and he was a miserable bastard.

“I got introduced to him and he was massively uninterested ’cos he was talking to someone else.”

Goodness, how rude - fancy him not stopping to talking to someone he actually knew in order to dance attendance on a person he's never met before.

Nicola Roberts from Girls Aloud doesn't measure up, either:

“I don’t hate the girl,” he says: “I don’t know her. But she never smiles, she is a miserable cow. The others really play the game — well, Nadine gets a little bit flaky sometimes.

Nicola Roberts' failure to shoot false smiles at Moyles starts to make us think about shifting the ordering of our list of favourite Girls Aloud.

But there's no decent Bible without a Judas, and for Moyles, it's Robbie Williams:

“It was strange. I find it frustrating that I can’t get past a certain level.

“I’m certainly not friends with the guy but I think I’ve known him long enough that I think it should be ‘Hi mate’ rather than just ‘hello.’

“He’s got a lot of issues, he’s fairly guarded and I can understand that but it might be nice if you were let in a little bit more.

“I thought we were mates and now we’re just pals.

“It goes friends, mates, pals for me and I think it’s a bit pathetic to admit it but I want to be friends with Robbie Williams and because he’s not my friend, I’m upset.”

And what was it that Williams had done which left Moyles feeling so upset? No, he'd not turned up at Radio One wearing a Christian O'Connell tshirt? Had he told him what Bernie Taupin says behind his back?

Nope; he'd arrived at the Radio One studio and offered to shake hands instead of embracing Moyles:

"I was expecting a big hug"

And yet he treated you like a bloke he works with. What a pity.

music chris moyles robbie williams elton john chris martin