Wednesday, November 08, 2006

America Decides: Britney divorce blog round-up

Apparently the filing, where it asks for 'grounds', merely has a picture of Kevin Federline playing to an empty room stapled to it. Yes, the US is waking up this morning to discover hope restored - as the slightly-less-evil thieving lying bastards take back control of the apparatus of government, and everyone has a chance with Britney again.

Yahoo Answers seems to be attempting to find a definitive answer to if we should be pleased or upset. Opinion seems divided between if we should kick Kevin first, then Britney, or if we should just put the pair of them in a sack and roll off down to a quiet spot near the watermill.

Hollyscoop mulls the possibility that Britney - like the rest of us - felt he was taking himself a little too seriously for a frat boy burning through someone else's cash:

Insiders say that Kevin's partying was the reason behind the split. His head was getting too big and Britney was not going to have it. She was sick of staying home with the kids while Kevin was out "working."

Hey, Britney - loads of women have to look after the nippers while hubby's out taking the bread from the table and heaving out the bacon.

They also suggest that Kevin might have been so busy trying to launch his rap career, he missed the writing on the wall. Not that writing would have been much good for him; at the Bathsheba's feast that was his marriage, it would have had to have been all pictograms. After all, Jen STX points out for Blogger News Network that she dropped a fairly big hint that she was over the whole thing during her surprise Letterman appearance:

Her appearance on David Letterman was a clever little PR move that seems so appropriate now, especially the blink-and-you-miss-it-bit with Will Ferrell where she asks rhetorically “You paid for Kevin’s CD?!” and then laughed hysterically.

Obviously, had Kevin seen that, he might have filed first. (Thank God he doesn't know how to work YouTube or anything.)

If you gave a gift to the happy couple, you might be wondering where you stand. It depends how deeply you dug, says Derek Hall. Any gift worth over ten grand goes back to the person who bought it - handy, as you can then regift to Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.

The Bosh, quoting NW Magazine, reckons that Federline's behaviour had just got too out-of-control:

"Kevin has always been hot-headed and he likes to bang things around," notes an insider. "Britney learnt to deal with him kicking the walls now and then. But lately, that sort of behavior has escalated to frightening new levels - and recently it hit crisis point."

Although that's now something you're reading on a blog who read it on a blog who saw it in a magazine, which we're not sure quite counts as first-hand coverage. Besides, Janet Charlton's Hollywood says that it wasn't because Kevin was always at home smashing things, it's because he was elsewhere, possibly, um, banging stuff:

It all started on Halloween night when Kevin had his record release party at Xenii in Hollywood. Kevin arrived first and sat with Shar Jackson and his relatives. Britney came later with HER friends and the pair went to his dressing room where they had a loud argument. Both stormed off in opposite directions in the club. They drank a lot and socialized with everyone but each other. At one point Britney ran outside and across the parking lot muttering "I can't take this any more!"

We all know how much trouble it causes when your husband starts hanging out with his ex. It's only a short step from there to sitting in an Oxford hotel car park sobbing at the thought of shagging Sam the cattleman.

Won't someone think of the children, cries Borough of Merton councillor (yes, really) Martin Whelton:

In all of this I hope the welfare of the children is considered by both parties, divorce happens it is part of life but at the end of the day if parents have an acriminous divorce it does nothing for the welfare of that child.

True, but then it doesn't do them very much good if the parents have an acrimonious marriage, either.

The Hollywood Gossip surely speak for us all when they greet the solemn news with a simple Yessssssssssss!