Bette Midler is played by Liz Smith

Britney Spears? Lindsay Lohan? They're no better than they ought to be, reckons Bette Midler:

"I've been on the other side to these wild and woolly sluts that we are seeing around our lives these days and I've taken the other side.

"I started my life out as pretty wild, but I have decided, after much growing and living, that its time that we got nicer!

"And I'm wearing underwear, a lot of underwear. In fact I'm wearing all the underwear that those girls are not wearing - at least two bras and several pairs of panties."

"These girls need to get a life and get a grip. I mean someone should sit those ladies down."

But please, please make sure they keep their ankles together when they do.

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