Student protest closes Clinic down

(No, it's not a Planned Parenthood story)

Seemingly confused about their priorities, a small knot of studious students at St Martins in London have forced the axing of a Clinic gig.

The students were worried the idea of a pop group playing music might somehow destroy their studies for a night, leading to the inevitable failure in final exams, enforced unemployment, and a downward cycle of drugs, depression, daytime tv and dating Pete Doherty until a cold, early death at the age of thirty trying to break into a freezer round the back of Iceland in the desperate hope that they might find a chicken kiev they could suck to keep life and soul together.

A planned sit-in has forced the band to reschedule the date for some other time; the students are now targetting the Archbishop of Canterbury over Christmas, which they feel to be a diversion from their hard work: "they're even talking about closing the college down because of it, as if the distracting rustling of tinsel wasn't bad enough" said one.

Amusingly, the support for the Clinic gig was coming from The New Puritans. You'd have thought the sit-in roundheads would have welcomed them, at least.

music clinic st martins