Thursday, January 18, 2007

All I have left to sell is the "Kick Me" sign on my ass

Kevin Federline is now at the "will drop pants for food" stage of his career, as he humiliates himself in an advert to be shown during the Superbowl. ("US TV's highest-rated show, and the scene of Janet Jackson's notorious 'wardrobe malfunction' in 2004", the BBC helpfully explains. There might be some sport involved somewhere, too.)

In the advert, Fed is shown dreaming he's in a pop video. But that's all it is: a dream. (This is somehow designed to sell insurance through a process which we expect is still awaiting to have its middle stage filled in.)

"I felt that it was a good time to come out and make fun of myself" says Federline, "I try not to take myself too seriously."

Yes, Kevin. We recall the way you never used to take yourself too seriously - what with tracks on your album called The World Is Mine and League of My Own. You never took yourself too seriously.

Not when you did a track that said:
Im on the frontline
Dodgin cameras like the one time
Cant even chill in this california sunshine
But its okay, I got somethin for ya
Im handin out ass kickins like diplomas
Who the first to get it?
Ya know K Feds wit it
All that shit rappers talk about, I already did it
Im committed - to the game
The fames why I hustle
Lyrical exercise, workin every muscle on the double
Chief and commanda
Hand ya
Ass to ya in a basket wrapped in plastic
Im looney
All these model chicks wanna do me
Tabloids tried to screw me
Magazines try to kill me
But im nasty
Too fuckin slick and sly
So high
I could prolly drop a shit and fly
You gonna need a big army
If you comin for me
K. Federline - I hit like tsunamis


You weren't taking yourself too seriously.

When you told AllHipHop that "I'd love to do a joint with the Game or even Missy or Ludacris - people from out there", you weren't taking yourself too seriously.

When you signed off that stupid, bandwidth-sapping animated Kevin for your wife-funded website... then, you weren't taking yourself too seriously.

When you launched the Kevin Federline branded webbrowser, that wouldn't have been you taking yourself too seriously, would it?

[Thanks to Franco M for the story tip]


2 comments:

eyetie said...

"I hit like tsunamis"..? I can see that lyric helping his Asian sales.

Maybe he could sing that during the Superbowl with the lyric changed to "I hit like 737s" and see what reception he gets. I'd buy that for a dollar.

Ade said...

Wow, I am SO out of touch with the kids on the street. "I could prolly drop a shit and fly"?! Do they really say things like that?? It sounds like someone so constipated that they'll feel much lighter after a good dump.

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