Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Project crabwalk

When Liz Hurley jumped ship from Project Catwalk, she left a hole for a glamorous, compelling front person for Sky One's rags-to-stiches gameshow. The hole still needs to be filled, but for this season they've got Kelly Osbourne in to supposedly anchor the affair. Cruelly, they've made her recreate Liz's opening credits, which has resulted in a British version of the bit in Ugly Betty where she's made to stand in for a supermodel in a photoshoot. Even more cruel, the presentation team at Sky have chosen to not include Kelly on the break bumpers - instead, the face of Project Catwalk is a soggy, confused dog making curious little noises and spraying paint randomly about. It's hard to not believe this is some sort of sideways joke at the expense of the woman trying to host the programme.

Hurley was never a great presenter - she was cold and wooden, but did at least manage to deliver her lines in a way which suggested that someone had at least told her what the programme was going to be about. Osbourne's hosting style is like someone in a Knightsbridge library attempting to read the Wall Street Journal despite having forgotten their glasses: an accent that would just-about have passed elocution classes at a minor finishing school stepping gingerly across someone else's words. That Tara Palmer-Tompkinson seemed more in command of the brief (or so it seemed, the audio track on our TV kept shounding shlightly shtrange whenever she appeared) was, perhaps, the final insult. Sky's magazine suggested that Osbourne would be bringing her "wit" to the show. On the strength of the first programme, it doesn't seem like she's even got her wits about her.