William, it was really nul points

Can it really be true that Morrissey is talking with the BBC about providing an entry into Eurovision this year? Victoria Newton believes so, although she also describes the Song Contest as "the most cheesy, tongue-in-cheek music show around." No, Victoria - just because the British have an ironic Terry Wogan commentary doesn't obscure the fact that the other competing countries tend to take the show quite seriously.

Victoria's report is heavy on her unique brand of flat puns and speculation, and rather low on any actual facts. According to her:

Last night a BBC spokesman said: “I can confirm we are in talks with Morrissey about a Eurovision song.”

But it seems that all that has happened is that someone has sent a note to his label asking if he was serious when he said they should have asked him to write a song last year. Which is quite a distance from My Lovely Horse In A Coma being on the starting blocks, but that hasn't stopped Victoria from making some of her trademark guesses:

He has to be a favourite to win through to the shortlist of the selection programme.

I can’t imagine Morrissey would consider performing the tune himself — no doubt someone else will sing it.

But then she seems to suggest that, actually, he would:

It would be great to see The Mozfather rocking up for the grand final in Helsinki on May 12.

I would say he has a big chance of bringing back the bacon, but then Meat Is Murder according to Mozza . . .

Do you see what she did there? We do apologise for any damage that might have done to your sides.

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