Gates opens again

Here's a chill wind blowing through the house: what can it be?

The return of Gareth Gates, that's what.

He's overcome his stammer altogether, which has excited Victoria Newton no end:

He now gets to show off his personality — we had no idea what he was like before because he couldn’t express himself.

While it's great that Gates no longer stammers, I think we all managed to get a pretty good idea what he was like last time round, didn't we?

Apparently, though, he hated the music he was doing:

What happened with my first two albums is that I arrived at the studio, walked into the booth, was told what to sing and left an hour later.

“That was my only input on the records I made. But with this one I’ve had the freedom to be able to play guitar and piano on it. It’s much more about me.”

You say that, Gareth, like it's a good thing.

The real indication that this is a threadbare comeback, though, is that Gates is forced to fall back on the only vaguely interesting thing about himself: "Did you know I had sex with Jordan?":

“I’m aware that the story became bigger because I denied anything had gone on, when in fact it had.

“I’m a bit older and more mature about it now. I look back and wish I’d been honest about it.

“The truth is we did have a relationship. She was made to look foolish because I denied it all, and I regret that.

“I don’t blame her for slagging me off over it. I don’t regret my relationship with Jordan.

“I’ve never bumped into her anywhere but I do hope I will so I can have a chat with her and apologise. She’s a nice girl. It’s very easy for people to slag her off but when you get to know her she is great.

“I’m glad that she’s found someone to make her happy and I do hope I can see her face to face soon and put things to rest.”

"Making Jordan look foolish" is quite a difficult thing to do, or more foolish, anyway. But it's curious Gates thinks that what makes her look idiotic was that he refused to confirm their "relationship" (although that's quite a grand description of a random knee-trembler) rather than the pair of them copping off together in the first place.

Gates' single isn't even out until the start of April. Let's hope he's not splashed his Jordan story.