Thursday, February 22, 2007

Oh, that's all we need

We'd assumed that Ocean Colour Scene had just drifted off, finding jobs sourcing automobile spares and helping elderly people file welfare claims. But, no, it turns out they're still a going concern and - lord help us - a new album is on the way. And of course, it contains a track written by Paul Weller, because of the law.

The last time OCS were even bearable was when they did Sway. Just looking at the tracklist for On The Leyline suggests that there won't even be anything half as good here:

'I Told You So'
'On The Leyline, Waiting'
'For Dancers Only'
'Man In The Middle'
'I Just Got Over You'
'Go To Sea Boys'
'These Days I'm Tired'
'You'll Never'
'Don't Get Me'
'Loneliest Girl In the Whole Wide World'
'Mr Brown'
'Two Lovers'
'Daylight'

Mind you, Mr. Brown suggests that they've at last penned a theme tune.


25 comments:

Anonymous said...

music journalism at its best, give that man a job... why listen to albums, when you can review it on track listing alone

go buy next weeks nme mate, so you can kiss their arse some more, they might give you a job with reviews like this

Anonymous said...

You are a cock

Anonymous said...

journalism at it's very best, you sad loser. reviewing an album when you haven't even heard it - please don't tell me that you get paid for that, or god help us all.

i love to have deep and meaningful conversation with people like you who think that they have a great knowledge of music.

three words.

narrow minded cock.

Anonymous said...

you sad prick. I wouldn't wipe my arse with your review, get a job!

Anonymous said...

how the hell can you review an album on song titles alone???? and this load of c**p

it contains a track written by Paul Weller, because of the law"

name the last one he wrote for them. he has PLAYED on there albums but never written a track for them.

"Mind you, Mr. Brown suggests that they've at last penned a theme tune"

WHAT THE F**K does that mean. you my friend are whats wrong with the music industry

from paul (you can find me on the ocs forum under hanks2 if you want to debate this further!!)

Anonymous said...

Oh, that's all we need - another pointless blogger spouting shite.

"We'd assumed", who's the "we". If YOU'D assumed they'd drifted off to 'mundane jobs' then boy, you are further out of touch than your ill-informed views belie. Try tearing yourself away from the screen and getting out into the real world. While you are wanking yourself blind over your own sad egotistical ramblings, OCS continue tour nationwide twice a year, selling out venues across the country.

Why are you so concerned anyway?

simon h b said...

In order:

Anonymous 10.30
Do you really think the NME would want me? Cool!

The real reason why I've reviewed the names is because, erm, the album isn't out yet - and the titles of the songs suggest it's going to be more of the same sort of stuff as before. You know, it's even possible to review albums on the basis of the title - Listen Without Prejudice Volume One told you a lot about the record without the need to even run your finger down the cellophane wrapper. It's why names are important.

anonymous 10.34

Thank you. There are worse features to be boiled down to.

anonymous 11.25

do you mean sad in its old sense or sad in the way it was used in the early 1990s?

I'd love to talk about music with you - indeed, that's partly why the comments section is open, for people with differing points of view to share their opinions. Do I think I have a great knowledge of music, though? Not really, there are massive holes in my knowledge, which I freely admit. I do know that OCS haven't done anything worth listening to since Sway. I've got a video of them doing that with a dancing puppet off Kids TV somewhere...

anonymous 11.25
Well, since it's on a PC screen, it would be fairly painful to wipe your arse with it - unless you printed it out, but since inkjet printer paper tends to be shiny, you'd only be redistributing your shit around your arsecheeks if you did. I have a job already, thank you, by the way.

Paul
===
how the hell can you review an album on song titles alone????
===

if the song titles seem limp and uninspired, that tells you quite a lot about the level of inventiveness going into the writing process. It's not an exact science, but until some of the songs get released, what else do we have to go on?

===
and this load of c**p
===

feel free to say crap. I do.

===
it contains a track written by Paul Weller, because of the law"

name the last one he wrote for them. he has PLAYED on there albums but never written a track for them.
===

See, this was a joke, alluding to the circle-jerk self-love society between the Gallaghers, Weller and Ocean Colour Scene. I wasn't really suggesting there was an actual statute that insisted on Weller's invovlement.

===
"Mind you, Mr. Brown suggests that they've at last penned a theme tune"

WHAT THE F**K does that mean.
===

it was another joke. Mr. Brown. It's a poo reference.

===
you my friend are whats wrong with the music industry
===

I only work in the most tangental way for the music industry, so hardly think I should shoulder more of the blame than, say, sycophantic broadsheet reviewers, narrowly-drafted radio and TV playlists, an inability to move smoothly to a digital model and a focus on takeover and merger as a way of growing market share instead of A&R. But, hey, we all do what we can.


anonymous noon
Well, I've been spouting shit for six years, so it's hardly "another"

===
"We'd assumed", who's the "we". If YOU'D assumed they'd drifted off to 'mundane jobs' then boy, you are further out of touch than your ill-informed views belie.
===
I think you actually mean "your ill-informed views imply" rather than "belie", which means "falsely represents"

===
Try tearing yourself away from the screen and getting out into the real world. While you are wanking yourself blind over your own sad egotistical ramblings, OCS continue tour nationwide twice a year, selling out venues across the country.
===

Really? To be honest, I can't really think of a job more depressing than touring turgid britrock round second-string venues, but I suspect it says something that these events have managed to not poke my consciousness.

===
Why are you so concerned anyway?
===

See, this is an interesting question. No Rock is a music blog, written from my standpoint. I think it's interesting that OCS are putting out another album, however ill-advised that might be. So I did a post about it.

What does puzzle me, though, is how many people are so stung by what is, effectively "person who hasn't liked OCS since they got off the baggy bandwagon isn't looking forward to the new album" has upset Ocean Colour Scene fans so much - you guys do take yourself seriously, don't you?




I have a soft spot for the Bluetones, mind.

Anonymous said...

guys, it's not even worth bothering with this prick. i'd suggest that u spend more time wanking and less time talking OCS to some wanka who knows fuck all about them. OCS will continue to sell out 'second string venues' like the manc apollo and the brum academy so who gives a shite.

Let this be the last post to this twat, and let him go back into the hole that he came from.

Peace.

Anonymous said...

I will fight you and thats no lie

Anonymous said...

You sound like a class "A" Twat!!
who is only interested in the latest shite band who sound exactly the same as everyone else and they always start with The something..., why do you lot give OCS so much of a hard time they have been around for 17 years make quality records and are amazing live

You are all Tossers!!

I know you are in your little wank pit, loving all these angry responses, cause thats what you want but get a life!! (And a Job)

simon h b said...

Way, way too seriously.

See, this is interesting: there are bands - Ocean Colour Scene is one of them - whose fans are almost fundamentalist in their devotion, to the point where people who don't like them aren't viewed simply as wrong, but in some way a challenge.

And you boys are way, way too obsessed with masturbation - wanka this, wanking that.

Naturally, you'll have spotted that I don't care for the current version of Ocean Colour Scene; sometimes I feel ashamed to go gardening in my Sway top. But you are all reacting as if I'd suggested your mothers give pleasure to the pettiest of seamen. And yet... nobody has really offered any explanation of what it is that makes OCS a vital force of nature. "They've been around for seventeen years" isn't a mark of quality and playing the Manchester Apollo (and, yes, that is second-string - MEN or Gmex being first-string) isn't either. Longevity and popularity are both impressive feats, but they are not barometers of quality. Otherwise, Cliff Richard would be, on that measure, second only to God.

And, no, I'm not going "ooh good, I've upset Ocean Colour Scene fans - that gives me some sort of validation." But it is instructive to see such red-in-the-face huffing and puffing. All that passion over something so passionless. The fanbase has exactly the spark that the band itself lacks.

Now, if you'll excuse, I have to go and wank or something.

Anonymous said...

have u ever put your finger deep inside your ass while wanking ? u should try it one day, when u remove your finger after ejaculation it will be covered in shit. the same shit that comes out of your goofy fucking mouth. now fuck off you twat and go write another review on an album you haven't fucking heard, you fucking waste of fresh air.

fuck off.

Anonymous said...

have u ever put your finger deep inside your ass while wanking ? u should try it one day, when u remove your finger after ejaculation it will be covered in shit. the same shit that comes out of your goofy fucking mouth. now fuck off you twat and go write another review on an album you haven't fucking heard, you fucking waste of fresh air.

fuck off.

Anonymous said...

have u ever put your finger deep inside your ass while wanking ? u should try it one day, when u remove your finger after ejaculation it will be covered in shit. the same shit that comes out of your goofy fucking mouth. now fuck off you twat and go write another review on an album you haven't fucking heard, you fucking waste of fresh air.

fuck off.

Anonymous said...

No not at all if people dont like them fair enough no problem, but they always seem to get negative responses whatever they do and you can not slag an album/band off on solely the names of there songs thats just insane!!

Just like to know why so much negative reviews all the time?

Anonymous said...

Dear Simon,

Thanks for your fantastic journalistic tips on which words I actually mean to use. FYI it really doesn't draw attention away from the valid points I have. "Belie" is perfect and thanks letting everyone know the definition. It clarifies my point brilliantly.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ACTUALLY SAID THIS..."You know, it's even possible to review albums on the basis of the title".

Now, think about that for a second. You'd review a whole book on the same principle would you? Review a play or film simply on its title? Clearly you don't get paid for your reviewing prowess! No Simon, you CAN'T review a record on titles alone and if you did you'd be showing yourself as an ignorant and lazy writer.

Therefore, your opinion counts for NOTHING. Seriously. And you know why OCS fans are pissed off? Because of LAZY JOURNALISM like yours. You can't accept that when the music press decided OCS were 'unfashionable' (after putting them on hundreds of front covers and selling their rags) they carried on making music, carried on selling records and carried on selling out venues WITHOUT YOUR HELP. OCS aren't a "vital force in nature", the fans aren't "fundamentalists", what are you talking about? OCS just make music that people love, passionately - you clearly have the same passion but for negativity. Why waste your time hating something so much? It's absolutely pointless and your blinkered ignorance has been clear for all to read.

If you don't like the new music then how would you know? At least have the decency to listen to why you don't like it.

simon h b said...

Most recent anonymous. Thanks for your comments:

===

Thanks for your fantastic journalistic tips on which words I actually mean to use. FYI it really doesn't draw attention away from the valid points I have. "Belie" is perfect and thanks letting everyone know the definition. It clarifies my point brilliantly.
====

I'm sorry if my pointing out that what you actually said was the exact opposite of what you meant - I'm not sure I'd describe "using words correctly" as "journalistic tip", but then blogging isn't journalism. I'm glad you think it has clarified your point brilliantly - I must admit I can't see how, and I suspect you mean "prove" (that is, a demonstration which supports your theory) rather than "clarifies" (which would suggest that it was that response which made you realise what the problem with my writing is) but I could be wrong on that.


===
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ACTUALLY SAID THIS..."You know, it's even possible to review albums on the basis of the title".
===

But I did. Look... I did.

===
Now, think about that for a second. You'd review a whole book on the same principle would you? Review a play or film simply on its title?
===

Yes. You mean like, for example, when people walk past a cinema and think "KickBoxer II - I can pretty much tell what that will be like." I started reading PG Wodehouse because I found a book called 'Do Butlers Burgle Banks?' and the title was intriguing and made me want to pick up the book and find out what the answer was. Smash Hits once - brilliantly - reviewed Earth Wind and Fire's Lets Groove with "let's not", on its title alone. People found the title of the series with Neil Morrissey and that bloke who used to Denis in Corrie so offputting that the BBC changed its name. It happens all the time.

If I said to you "what will Now That's What I Call Music 64 be like?" I bet you could give me an answer without saying "well, I'd better listen to it before I hazard a guess."



===
Clearly you don't get paid for your reviewing prowess! No Simon, you CAN'T review a record on titles alone and if you did you'd be showing yourself as an ignorant and lazy writer.
===

Obviously, if you're being paid for a review of a record, you should listen to the record. I'm not quite sure why you're obsessed with the idea of being paid or not paid for reviews, by the way. Does something become more valuable or meaningful just because you pay for it?

===
Therefore, your opinion counts for NOTHING. Seriously.
===

Righto then. I can't say I agree with your opinion, but at least you've shown your working.

===
And you know why OCS fans are pissed off?
===

At a guess, I'd say the onset of middle age, male pattern baldness, traffic speed cameras, rising interest rates and having listened to the same song for the last 15 or so years.

===
Because of LAZY JOURNALISM like yours. You can't accept that when the music press decided OCS were 'unfashionable' (after putting them on hundreds of front covers and selling their rags) they carried on making music, carried on selling records and carried on selling out venues WITHOUT YOUR HELP.
===

I don't want to blow my own trumpet here, but I actually started to dislike Ocean Colour Scene long before the music press did. I can't think how many magazines with big OCS features I bought. And, to be honest, it's nice that they keep going - they clearly have an ardent niche and they service you all well. It's just I don't like them. Simple as. I find them dull, formulaic, bombastic and lacking new ideas. The tracklisting and Weller-guest spot of the new album suggests that they will continue to be doing the dull, formulaic, bombastic thing - unless they've made a load of songs that don't fit the names. I said so. I didn't pretend I'd heard any of the songs, I made it clear I was basing a supposition on the names they'd chosen, much as I would make an assumption if I heard a child had been called Fifi-Trixibelle or Lennon.


===
OCS aren't a "vital force in nature", the fans aren't "fundamentalists", what are you talking about?

===

No, I don't think Ocean Colour Scene are a vital force in nature. I merely assumed some fans might - by which, I mean, there must be something in OCS music which doesn't find a reaction in me but does in you lot; that spark which makes you hear a song by the band and it makes your heart beat a little faster, or your eyes tear up, or ever so slightly aroused, or really, really, really aroused. It can be hard to put that vitality into words - a reason why good music reviewers get paid good money for attempting to do so. But all I've seen so far is attempts to prove that OCS are good because they sell concert tickets or have been going for a while - Top Trumps stuff, not passion.

And fundamentalists? Someone posted something, I guess, to a message board saying "a fairly obscure blogger has said something mildly disparaging about OCS" and everyone comes to tell me that I'm a wanker, who is wrong, who licks the NME's arse. That's pretty fundamentalist.


===
OCS just make music that people love, passionately - you clearly have the same passion but for negativity.
===

Well, at least that's someone with something to say about the music, although again "people love their music" is a statement of fact rather than explanation.

Do I have a passion for negativity? I hope not - what turns me on is enthusiasm and vibrancy and exploration and discovery. I get none of those things from OCS.


===
Why waste your time hating something so much? It's absolutely pointless and your blinkered ignorance has been clear for all to read.
====

But I'm not wasting my time hating so much. It was a two-minute post - and, yes, it would be nice if Simon Fowler read it and thought "yeah, maybe our song titles are slightly cliched and, nice as it is to have the bloke from the Style Council to write us a tune, maybe we should have kept that for the b-side of the first single and worked with someone more interesting like Kylie or Beth Ditto or Fema Kuti to bring something new to our music." But I also realise that's unlikely to happen.

===
If you don't like the new music then how would you know? At least have the decency to listen to why you don't like it.
===

And when the album comes out, I will listen to it. I always try to. I have to be honest and admit I never made it through ...Flying Squad all the way , and - as I believe my original post suggested - I don't have any great hopes that this will be any different. But maybe it will ne.

Anonymous said...

Dear Simon,

I won't bother reading your reply but I'll review it anyway.

Whatever you say, however your try to come across as clever-clever (which you aren't incidentally) and however you try and spin my points, here are the facts in the cold light of day:

You, a 'writer' and a 'reviewer', have admitted to reviewing MUSIC YOU HAVEN'T HEARD simply by READING the WORDS in the song titles. It's laughable. There's nothing like a writer with an open mind - and you are nothing like one.

You really need to reassess your 'profession' Simon. This is just not working out for you.

simon h b said...

Most recent anonymous:

===
I won't bother reading your reply but I'll review it anyway.
===

I see what you did there, clever wording, cheers.

===
Whatever you say, however your try to come across as clever-clever (which you aren't incidentally) and however you try and spin my points, here are the facts in the cold light of day:
===

Spin your points? Maybe I did - i don't think I did, I just responded to them, and you don't care enough to see what I said. So we may never know, eh?

===
You, a 'writer' and a 'reviewer', have admitted to reviewing MUSIC YOU HAVEN'T HEARD simply by READING the WORDS in the song titles. It's laughable. There's nothing like a writer with an open mind - and you are nothing like one.
===

But I said in my initial post that all I was doing was responding to the song titles:

Just looking at the tracklist for On The Leyline suggests that there won't even be anything half as good here:

At no point did I claim I was "reviewing the music" or anything like it. Your argument, circular though it may be, is that somehow, by saying 'this is my reaction to the song titles', I have shown that I respond to song titles by responding to the song titles. Now, you might think that having an emotional reaction to a name is a weak thing indeed - Shakespeare would agree with you on that one, incidently - but, presented with a list of songs by a band whose music I have found in the last few years to be plodding and ploughing a somewhat unvarying furrow, and seeing the song titles they've chosen are the sort of songtitles they've been coming up with while ploughing that furrow, I suggested - suggested - that maybe it's going to be more of the same.

===
You really need to reassess your 'profession' Simon. This is just not working out for you.
===

This isn't my profession, anonymous. This is just how I relax and unwind.

I would have loved to have heard your actual responses to my last post - you know, an actual debate rather than more of the "you aren't clever! You aren't working out as a writer!" point-and-squawk which has characterised most of the responses here. Maybe when the next album comes out in 2009, eh?

Peter said...

wow, I recently called OCS dad rock of the worst fucking kind of some forum and none of the abuse compared to this, Simon, you deserve a medal.

liquid city said...

Simon, this is great stuff.

Can you do Cast next?

RobW said...

Who would have guessed that OCS fans were so full of bile and anger?

Anonymous said...

People getting worked up about OCS? Is it 1996 again? God I hope so. I wouldn't be hurtling towards 30 if that was the case.

Thank You Simon for bringing out all these anonymous-es out of the woodwork. They've cheered me up with their ire.

Especially 9:41/9:42 pm anonymous. His fecalphilial put-down was awe-inspiring.

ortho_bob said...

My, this brings back the memories of the mid-90s when their single "I Spilt Some Ovaltine On My Best Cardigan" came out. OR was that Shed Seven?

Britpop was all about being fiercely defensive about rather dull music, wasn't it? The more plodding and routine the music the more touchy the fanbase.

Funny then, sad now.

Anonymous said...

To redress the balance on behalf of the more mentally adjusted Anonymous posters can I point out that Ocean Colour Scene are derivative, boring, third rate Dadrock shite who anybody with an ounce of musical taste would avoid like the plague.

Their fact that they have frankly scarily obsessive fans does not make OCS even slightly worthwhile, but I guess that at least it's ONE interesting thing about them.

I personally am glad they are touring regularly, it keeps the fucknuts off the streets and in one place!

Top work Simon

Post a Comment

As a general rule, posts will only be deleted if they reek of spam.