Face to face with the past

Chris Martin has been going through some old school memories, having met someone who bullied him at school:

“I bumped into a guy who used to give me hell at school. He was a bully who always said I wouldn’t make anything of myself.

“I had great pleasure asking what he was up to now. He wasn’t up to much. Then I turned around and said, ‘This is my wife Gwyneth.’ His face dropped and he looked really embarrassed.

“It was a proud moment. I’m not one to get my own back and look for revenge — but that was pretty sweet.”

They reckon revenge is best served cold, but this is so icy you could keep vegetables in it for months. We're not even entirely sure we believe it - what sort of bully goes round telling their victims "you'll never make anything of your life" - either Chris went to a school where the bullies were very mild indeed, or else we're talking about an ineffectual careers master.

We can't help wondering if this "bully" was just a common-or-garden old school friend, and he's had to be recast as a tormentor of some sort because Martin realises that this "look at my Hollywood wife - what are you doing, do you have a Hollywood wife? Have you been in an amusing sketch with Ricky Gervais? Look, I've got Bob Geldof's phone number? What are you doing, is it as important as being in Coldplay, eh? How many times has your music been used for a goal montage on Match of the Day, eh?" business might reflect quite badly on him, making him look shallow and a little bit pathetic?

After all... there can't be many people who don't know Martin is married to Gwyneth Paltrow, so it's pretty unlikely this old school friend would be surprised by that, is it?