Hey You? Oy, vey.

The mighty Pojustice has got a clip of the trudging Hey You - it's an EcoPlod, presumably; and the lyrics to Madonna's answer to the world's problems have also started to appear online. But we can't believe that the most complete set - which includes the line "the sun is shining/the earth is whining" - can possibly be true. Seriously, even if you thought the couplet wasn't so damn cheesey it could trap a rat, why would you try and protect the planet by portraying it as some sort of petulant teenager. "I'm getting hot... my make-up's running. I don't like it. Make it stop."

The clip on PJ does have some audible lyrics - "open your heart/you've got to change this time" - and since you're changing, might we recommend a tracksuit from H&M, imported from halfway around the world - and the frankly baffling "keep it together, we'll make it alright/our celebration is going on tonight." Which suggests, if nothing else, Madonna is writing from a conviction that the very start of the song will do so well to organise some sort of general keeping-it-together and unspecified changing, that by the end of the song the danger will all be over and we can get down to partying.

Or maybe she's just being honest and admitting that Live Earth is going to be little more than a bunch of hot air and some famous people telling us how great they are at saving us common folk.

"This could be good, hey you" ends Madonna. Yes, let's look for the silver lining in the global climate catastrophe clouds - or where the clouds would have been if the Earth hadn't heated up so much. At least it's given Madonna the chance to look concerned in a way that hasn't involved taking other people's children. And she can wear that white suit again. It's all good.