Friday, May 11, 2007

Levine the dream

The problem with the identification of the Pink Pound, and the corporate need to try and "target the gay market" is that you wind up with awkward situations like Adam Levine of Maroon Five doing interviews with The Advocate trying to get in touch with the band's gay audience:

"There are beautiful men out there. Antonio Banderas is gorgeous. Well, maybe not so much anymore. He peaked around 'Desperado'.

"I mean, every male secretly wants to have sex with Brad Pitt, but that's a given."

"Men have a certain camaraderie with each other that's easygoing and kind of simple, when you think about it. Sometimes men and women clash mentally."

God, it's like that bit in A Very Peculiar Practice where Peter Davison's trying to cope with talking to a lesbian, isn't it?

Levine concludes by revealing that blokes don't queue up to have sex with him:
"Not Hey, you wanna make out?' It doesn't happen to me. I don't know why."

Because going up and saying "lets make out" is how every bloke who finds men attractive goes about things, isn't it? Apart, of course, from the ones who just fling you to the ground and start to hump you.

We would love to see the look on Levine's face if Brad Pitt did turn up with a ball gag, a cheeky wink and a pass from Angelina Jolie.


4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Because, of course, b@ll g@gs are what every g@y man uses during the act, aren't they? You hyprocrite.

simon h b said...

I could see how you might think that, if you were unable to tell the difference between criticising Levine's apparent suggestion that the only approach a man who has sex with men would make would take the form of a prelude to sex, and an imaginary scenario testing Levine's claims to want to have sex with Brad Pitt by imagining Pitt arriving telegraphing an intention for some s&m. I suppose I should have just gone with "a massive erection", but I decided to take a step back from the more blunt imagery. At no point did I suggest that Pitt was gay, nor that my imaginary Pitt was exhibiting a behaviour typical of men who enjoy sex with members of their own gender.

But more interestingly, what's with the use of amerpsats in ball gag and gay? Would you have had to hunt around for the Euro symbol? €r€ction?

Anonymous said...

Work computer. I wasn't sure whether the spy software would flag such blatantly filthy words as gag and gay.

But I'm at home now, so bum, fanny and knob.

I think my original point correctly called you for hypocrisy and that your answer was an unsatisfactory bit of wordplay.

Cockjuice.

simon h b said...

And, indeed, butterfucks.

That makes some sort of sense, then - although wouldn't the software have picked up that you were visiting a site that mentioned homosexuality and ball gagging in the first place?

"One of our staff has been viewing pages about ball-gags and sent a message through their comments box, Mr. Haroldson"

And, obviously, you must have believed me to be a hypocrite in the first place, otherwise you wouldn't have bothered with the original posting. And as I say, you're wrong. I do love this early 21st century vogue for, when someone explains the thinking behind something they've done, if it doesn't match up with what their critics believe, it gets rejected as being "wordplay" or "pompous word salad" or "arrant self-justifying wasp-toss." It's a little tiresome although, if I'm honest, I suspect I do it sometimes, too. I would never be as bare-faced as to claim that I don't sometimes indulge in a spot of the greatest luxury, but this time? Nope. You can't suggest there's a parallel between one person's suggestion of an archetype of behaviour on the part of men who have sex with men, and another's depiction of a single fictional occurrence.

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