Something kinda oooh, get you

Cheryl Tweedy out of Cheryl Cole and Girls Aloud hasn't, obviously, let Lily Allen's latest fume-funnel go by with a dignified silence:

“Yes, I was bitchy about her but I never mentioned her weight.

“Quite frankly I couldn’t care less if she has a dick or not.

“I have had enough of her and her big mouth.”

“Over the last few months she has called Nicola ugly, which I bit my tongue over. She called Sarah vile and my husband horrendous, but seems to have conveniently forgotten all of that.”

“I can’t stand people who give it but aren’t prepared to take it back.

“If that’s the case she should keep her mouth shut instead of feeling sorry for herself.

“I could go on but I left school a long time ago and have no time for this.”

Thank god she was able to make the time needed in her busy schedule to contact Newton with this, then. We wonder if, to allow for more efficient Allen baiting, she keeps notes so they're ready to hand, or has to Google 'allen +"girls aloud"' to remind herself of the grudges.

It's starting to increasingly resemble, if not quite Tanner and Sharples, then at least Sheila Grant and Julia Brogan going at it in the Close: "You know nothing about the Corrk-hills..."