Saturday, July 21, 2007

Victoria, Victoria: When minds meets

In years to come, this will be seen as the twenty first century's own Frost-Nixon. Yes, Victoria Newton has flown to Los Angeles to meet Victoria Beckham. The extra carbon burned through was worth it, as this sort of fawning simply can't be done over the telephone:

Speaking exclusively to The Sun, Victoria, 33, said: “We’ve loved every minute so far. I can’t see us going back.”

She opened her heart on life away from Britain and Spain as Becks prepared for new team LA Galaxy’s game against Chelsea today — although his own debut was in doubt due to an injury.

She also told how she and David got so steamed up during a recent raunchy photo shoot they had to take a break and slip away for a ROMP.

Victoria said David, 33, was not bothered about swapping Real Madrid for Galaxy, a team branded no better than a pub side. And sons BROOKLYN, eight, ROMEO, four, and CRUZ, two, are thrilled with their new home.

Does Victoria N point out to Victoria B that she did a very similar round of interviews when she relocated to Spain? Does she suggest that perhaps LA is still something of a novelty and that - after they've been there some time, experienced a few downs to go with the ups - it might start feeling less like a long holiday and more like an empty place a long way from home?

Beckham, of course, is keen to stress how normal she is, while namedropping as much as possible:
“The fact is, David and I are very boring people.

“We don’t go out much. A lot of the time we are at home watching telly and putting the kids to bed.

“I had to laugh recently. We were at DEMI MOORE’s house with ASHTON KUTCHER and PENELOPE CRUZ for dinner. We ended up playing dominoes — hardly rock and roll.”

Look how everyday my life is, playing dominoes with filmstars.

You know who else is normal and down-to-earth? Tom Cruise, that's who - did Victoria mention that she knows Tom Cruise out the movies, by the way?
“Tom and Katie are ordinary people who just happen to be famous. We also have friends here who aren’t famous. That’s why I know we’ll be happy.”

Oddly, she doesn't bother listing any of those lucky people who get to be Victoria's friends without being famous, but we imagine they include that woman who comes in with the mop everyday, that bloke who makes the barrier go up and down when the car gets home, and Mel B.

But all of this is little more than a prelude to the big issues of the day. Victoria Newton is afraid to tell the truth to power. And the truth is that Beckham is fabulous:
Photos yesterday seemed to show Victoria with cellulite on her legs. I couldn’t see the slightest trace. And she said: “Everyone has cellulite, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

Thank god we got that one sorted. Seriously, let's not leave it decades until this one is turned into an opera, people.


1 comment:

James said...

That last quote made me do my first ever triple-take.

"Photos yesterday seemed to show Victoria with cellulite on her legs. I couldn’t see the slightest trace. And she said: “Everyone has cellulite, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”"

i.e "Photos show Beckham has cellulite - I've checked and she doesn't - She says she does"

What the... But... Eh? Blimey Newton, that's some turbo-fawning you're doing there. There's photo evidence of her cellulite AND she said herself that she's got it! Give yourself a rest on this one!

Reminds me of the robot suck-up man in Family Guy.

Peter: "I hate this tie."
Suck-up: "It's awful, it's gaudy, it's gotta go. "
"And I hate myself."
"I hate you, too. You make me sick, you fat sack of crap."
"But I'm the president."
"The best there is."
"But you just said you hated me."
"But not you, the president, the you who said you hated you who love, hate, Yankees, clouds..."
*bang*

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