Two bald men fighting over a combover

War. It's an ugly business. And it's not going to help if you imagine Sting and Denis Leary, naked and oiled-up, fighting over who has the least hair. Sting started it:

"I saw Denis Leary deconstruct me on television. He said, 'Sting singing about saving the fucking rainforest - he should save his fucking hair.'

"I want to meet Denis Leary in about 10 years. 'Hey, Denis, how's it feel, ya bald cunt.'"

That was in 1993. Hopes that we'd be living in a world where neither Sting nor Denis Leary were of any relevance have come to nothing, and Leary now wants to let Sting run his fingers through his hair:

"Sting called me a cunt. I said something about his hair, or lack thereof, and he called me a cunt and said that when I got older, we should compare hair.

"And I'm like, Let's go! I'm 50! Let's go!"

NBC is rumoured to be interested in a live hair-off, where both men will wear hats until told by a moderator to show their wigs.