... because "not wearing a shirt" is a Nobel Prize category

We're not amongst the greatest admirers of Victoria Beckham, but if you're going to criticise her, you should at least have grounds:

"David's talented but what does Victoria do? Nothing."

That was Jordan. Now, it's true that Beckham might be the slightest of contributors to The Spice Girls, but she does at least have some claim to having sold a lot of records. And you, Jordan? What exactly is your special talent?

(We should stress that we don't consider owning breasts to count as a talent, nor charging for a peek at them, come to that.)

Still, Jordan does concede that they can all rub along:

"But there's room for all of us out there so I do wish them well."

That's mighty generous of you. With so many pages of Hello! and Ok! to be filled, everyone can get their beaks wet.