Oh my god: Whoever could have seen this coming?

Chantelle - off the last CBB that wasn't embroiled in a racist bullying scandal - has been opening her heart to the News of the World about her marriage to Preston out the Ordinary Boys:

We were like from two different planets.

"He loved politics and wanted to talk about it. But I know nothing about politics, it doesn't interest me at all.

"I wanted to watch Hollyoaks on telly but he preferred a serious documentary. I'd go and buy Victoria Beckham's autobiography and he'd buy an educational book.

"I'd fancy buying a BMW and he'd want an old Jag. He loved Brighton and had all his friends there. I hated it and had all my family and friends in Essex. I loved trendy champagne bars in London. He loved ordinary local pubs.

It's like Paula Abdul and MC Skat Cat all over again. If only someone - like, you know, the entire veiwing public - had spotted that they were completely incompatible from the very start and attempted to warn them, or something.

It does make you wonder, though, what made them even think getting married - and so swiftly - was going to work in the first place? Could it have been, oooh, enormous cheques from the gossip magazines?

Still, they tried:

I'd dyed my hair brown because I thought it would make me appear more classy and intelligent. But it completely changed my personality. We'd both become a bit boring.

If only she'd gone with the "trying wearing glasses" attempt at intelligence instead of the "going chestnut" approach - she could have taken them off to turn her personality back swiftly.

Still, it's not ending bitterly:

"I certainly earned more than Preston during our marriage.

"But it's going to be an amicable divorce and we'll split everything 50-50."

Amicable. That's lovely - and the best way to ensure the split is amicable is by telling the News of the World that your soon-to-be-ex-husband is a weak, boring, under-earning, boozing, inattentive bloke who made you so unhappy you developed bulimia.