Simon Cowell lookalike not delighted at similarities

Adam Davies was having a quiet drink in a Welsh pub when in walked Anthony Calvert. Davies - perhaps emboldened by his quiet drink - noticed that Calvert bore a slight resemblance to Simon Cowell, and decided to point out the similarity.

It didn't go down well:

"I made a jest about him looking like Simon Cowell. I don't know why - it was just a bit of a joke.

"Then he punched me five times. I was just shocked and I didn't see it coming at all."

So, not like Cowell at all, then - he'd have made a prescripted remark first.

Actually, Calvert looks less like Cowell and more like Peter Mandelson and Ian Hislop's lovechild. But we're not going to tell him that.

Magistrates have found Calvert guilty of actual bodily harm; he'll be sentenced next month.